This New Year came in with a bang bringing exciting opportunities such as my being a keynote speaker at The Animal Energy World Conference in England, finishing up Paws for the Good Stuff – the cat lover’s version, meeting legislators about various animal issues important to New Mexico, and various other opportunities on behalf of animals. But three days into January we were also faced with the excruciating loss of Rudy Fischer my 15-year old brown lab-mix.
The vet had told me Rudy suffered from a debilitating neurological issue and he would only be with us another 2 months. That was a year ago.
It’s painful to watch someone you love fade in front of you. Yet because of it, every day with Rudy became that much more precious. Despite his declining health, Rudy remained alert, loving, and enjoyed his daily walks even as his steps grew fewer with each passing day. Ever the model of patience, Rudy tolerated my kisses, silly endearments, and cuddles. Feeling his large, warm body against mine, and feeling our deep connection was one of the greatest joys of my life.
During the last few months, my sleep was frequently interrupted during the night as I’d get up with Rudy, slip on his red tartan vest, and escort him out. I’d stand at the door watching him wobble in the snow and I’d wonder how many more nights we would have together.
As hard as it was, it was also a privilege to care for Rudy during his last days. Knowing how much love dogs give and how much they want to be part of a family makes it heartbreaking to realize how many find themselves chained outside or in shelters. Caring for Rudy (and the rest of my rescued six- pack who you read about in Dog as My Doctor, Cat as My Nurse) until his last days fed my hope for the dogs I haven’t met but who are suffering.
Rudy’s last day consisted of love in every way that we could give it. Ken and I spent most of our time beside him, stroking his still shiny coat, whispering into his floppy ears how much he meant to us and taking in every possible look of him through our tears. When the knock at the door came we knew it was time. Our amazing vet Rebecca arrived with her assistant and a loving and compassionate attitude. I held Rudy on his favorite bed and kissed his beautiful face until his last breath. And I kept kissing him until they took him away.
Rudy passed over the rainbow bridge seven weeks ago. The house still feels strangely empty without him. It will take a while not to feel sad when I look in the empty corner of the room where he used to lay snoring on his bed. His vest and dog tags still rest on my night table. I can’t say goodbye to them yet. But taking a walk alone is truly difficult as I’m reminded that I once had a friend by my side and how we walked countless miles together.
Over the years, one thing I have learned is that when you feel a connection to someone, whether human or animal; when they pass they often leave you a gift. When my father passed away, I felt a surge of courage. When Roxy died I remember feeling an inner strength. Rudy’s gift came to me in the shower. Like the proverbial light-bulb moment, I suddenly had an idea.
As animal lover’s we share many things in common but perhaps the loss of our animal friends is the hardest. I believe we can all use some assistance to help us move through the pain and get to the gifts on the other side. Because of Rudy, Roxy, Dakota, Teddy, Jester, and Cody – my 6 pack – I may be in a position to help people move through the loss of an animal friend in a life-enhancing and empowering way. Maybe a new book? A new talk? I’m not sure how this idea will manifest. For now, I’m grateful to have this new idea and the memory of a wonderful companion whose love will never be forgotten.
Stay Pawsitive,
Carlyn MDO
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