What I Never Told You
Over the last few weeks I’ve shared how Grace, our rescue dog, is adapting to her new home. What I did not tell you was where Grace came from, and why, yet again, dogs can teach humans so much about living our best life.
When I walk with Grace, the first thing people ask me is her name. The second thing they ask is what happened to her rump? On her backside, a sizable, somewhat unsightly bald patch, red and scarred, interrupts her beautiful white coat as if something grabbed her fur and pulled out a chunk of it.
Her rescuers told me that a mountain lion attacked Grace. We don’t know what the truth is but Grace’s wound is a daily reminder that she suffered from some kind of trauma. This is not the only war wound Grace carries. Some wounds cannot be seen but they are as potent as any physical injury.
When a Dog Forgets How to Be a Dog
A few months ago, we heard about a dog hoarding incident in Rowe, a small community about 20 miles from Santa Fe. The reports were gruesome, and knowing what these dogs suffered still sends a shiver through me. While the woman who created this living hell was in jail, I joined a group of volunteers to transport the surviving dogs out of the facility and that is where Grace and I met. We connected quickly.
From the get-go Grace was well behaved, almost too well behaved. Sniffing, barking, eating, running, playing – these are activities dogs relish but Grace did not. She seemed frozen, her eyes bore a lost look, and she was so quiet that you could almost forget she was there; it was as if Grace had forgotten what it was like to be a dog.
At feeding time, Grace’s panic heightened. After a bite from her bowl, she would anxiously peek behind her as if waiting for some invisible dog to attack and steal her food. She would slink away, tail between her legs, and circle the house. Once she was sure she was safe, she’d come back and take another bite then run off again. This happened over and over until she either finished her food or left it altogether.
At the dog park, Grace refused treats offered by well-meaning people. The other dogs dashed around the park, chasing balls and each other but Grace, her body glued to my leg, would simply stare at them. If I threw a ball, Grace stood still and watched it fly; if I offered her a squeaky toy, it was met with a blank look; if I lured her with a Kong, stuffed with tasty peanut butter treats, she would walk away. It was clear to me that Grace did not know what a toy was, what it was for or the joy it could bring her.
Sadly, it became clear that Grace was afraid of Ken. I’ve never met a kinder more compassionate human being than my husband, yet one look from Ken and Grace would make a bee line away from him and towards me. When I lay on the couch, and Ken would lean over to kiss me goodnight, our dog, who had barely made a peep up until then, would utter a low growl. It wasn’t hard to conclude that Grace, as sweet as she was, had been mistreated by a man.
Miracles That Come in the Little Moments
Long walks, daily trips to the dog park, rides in the car, a regular feeding schedule, praise, affection, and patience – these were the keys to Grace’s rehabilitation.
From her growing smiles, to playing with dogs in the dog park, to chasing balls; every day Grace inched her way out of her cocoon. Not only was she eating food with gusto and the confidence that it would not be taken away but one night, as I lay on the couch, I heard the unmistakable sound of a squeaker. I looked over the edge and saw the purple fluffy ball that my step-son, Greg had bought her, hanging from her mouth. Now, I throw a ball in the dog park and she chases it, nearly doing a head over heels summersault when she reaches it.
In fact, Grace is becoming so comfortable that like a child testing their boundaries, she is doing a few naughty things such as stealing Ken’s hat, sneaking my socks, and yesterday I found her, paws on the kitchen counter, sniffing her treat bag. These behaviors are easily remedied by not leaving our things where she can easily get to them. What’s important is that this shows Grace is becoming more confident. She is coming into her own.
Perhaps what makes me happiest is to see Grace’s developing relationship with Ken. Every day, he offers her treats, lays on the floor so she doesn’t feel threatened, and speaks to her with an encouraging, soft, and gentle voice. As he moves towards her with kindness, she is willing to step towards him with trust.
Can Dogs Teach Us to Be Our Best Selves?
Grace’s fur may never grow back, but I continue to treat the spot with Vitamin E oil, and to protect it with sunscreen. I also continue to treat her internal wounds with patience, exercise, play, and a steady stream of love.
We all have wounds, some have healed, and others remain as scars. What dogs have, that often their human friends do not, is an admirable capacity to forgive, to move forward, and to trust again.
In shelters, dogs like Grace, who have been through trauma can be ignored when they slink away from our touch, they can be passed over for adoption when they are not as affectionate as a new puppy, and they might growl to be left alone, but once they are in a safe and loving home, there is nothing more gratifying than to see them thrive. And when they offer you their trust, when they show you their gratitude, when they finally give you that magnificent gifts of gifts – unconditional love – it is one of the greatest peak experiences you can ever imagine. Serving our animal friends, in the end, serves us more. At least it has for me.
Stay Pawsitive,
Carlyn MDO
PS: If you have rescued a dog or a cat, (because they are both equally awesome), what is one thing that about them that has made your life better? Share your thoughts in the comment box below.
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Dearest Carlyn,
This is such a sweet story; it brought me to tears. I am so happy that you, Ken, and Grace are bonding as a threesome and she is finding herSelf again — possibly for the first time. You and Ken are angels!
Love, Ashley
Thank you for your kind and heartfelt words, Ashley. I feel so fortunate to have this wonderful being in my life. She truly is an old soul. Grace is the perfect name for her:)
It is this deep joy when I watch my rescue dog Csutak to know all that he can enjoy today – simply being able to living up to what he is – namely a dog – enriches his life; and his joyful ‘attachment’ to me as his guardian is warming my heart daily, often putting a smile on my face.
PS: Carlyn – if the sentence reads to complicated please “better” it – my mother tongue is Swiss German!
I think your sentence is perfect because the feeling behind it is so powerful and I can feel the deep connection you have with Csutak. I’m curious, what does Csutak mean in English?
Dear Carlyn – ‘Csutak’ is a rescue dog from Hungary and his name was given him there. I had no desire to change his name – even before I ever let eyes on him my feeling was his name belonged to him. I anyway talk to him using some funny “terms of endearment” (nicknames) which he is reacting to joyfully but luckily doesn’t know the meaning …
sorry, above should read “…. before I ever laid eyes on him …”
Isn’t it funny, the many nicknames we have for our friends. I wonder what nicknames they have for us?
Hi Carlyn,
This is such a beautiful story. Grace is so lucky to have such amazing love and support from you. And love your point on dogs “admirable capacity to forgive, move forward and trust again” it truly is amazing. I hope all else is well with you!
McKenzi! How wonderful to hear from you. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I know you get it for sure! Forgiveness is hard to do sometimes, but so powerful when we can take that step. So glad we have our animal friends to show us how.
I have 8 rescued cats, all with different quirks, but the best thing about them is the love they show and their capacity to show they love you.
Thank you sooooooo much for rescuing, Margaret. Yes, unconditional love is a great gift and I don’t know anyone who does it better than our animal friends. I’m sure they are very grateful for the life and love you have given them.
I love animals! I love hearing about their stories from someone who also loves and respects them.
I was saved once by my cat, Shell! I was injured when a metal lid fell on my head and had a concussion, as I propped myself up against the garage wall in the alley, passing out, I heard Shell make loud piercing meows and thus I did not pass out due to his tone, which I have never heard before or since. SInce I did not pass out, I was able to make it back to my bedroom and lie down until I could get to the doctors. My cat possibly saved my life as I do not know what would have happened had I passed out in that back alley where no one would have been able to see me.
I read every page of your PAWS, Carmen, because I too believe that animals know so much more than we do and are our greatest gift in life! I appreciate all of your candid writings! I am going to give some of your books as gifts to my animal-loving friends, too. I know they will appreciate it as well!
What a beautiful story. I’m always amazed at the different ways animal help us with whatever difficulties we are experiencing. That is amazing that Shell helped you stay awake. I’m glad you are ok. Thx for your kind comments about my books. Because you are a cat lover, I have a new book coming out that you and Shell or other kitties might enjoy -Paws for the Good Stuff: a cat lovers journal for creating a purrfectly pawsitive life! All my best to you and thank you for sharing my books with your friends. Stay Pawsitive:)
Hi, Carlyn,
Years ago I rescued a dog and her eight pups living wild. The mother as a puppy had been given to an elderly woman for protection but the woman stopped feeding her when the dog got out of her yard and never got her a rabies vaccination or gave her heartworm medication. When I told her how sick the dog was she said she didn’t have money to treat her or to feed the pups and I could have them all. You couldn’t get a hand on any of them so it took me three weeks to live-trap them all. The pups were adopted out by the local humane society and the mother dog spent a week at the vet’s being treated for heart worms, which had nearly killed her. I would visit her there and walk her every day after work and her cries were agonizing when I left her. When I could finally take her home I spent Saturday and Sunday getting her used to being in a house – my black Lab, also a rescue guy, helped me acclimate her to our back yard and to our neighborhood on our twice daily two-mile walks. When I left for work Monday I left the two of them in the house (I didn’t have the heart to crate her) and thought I would have messes to clean when I got home nine hours later. But there were none – maybe she had watched my other dog and thought, if he doesn’t then I won’t. I bought her several toys but she just looked blankly at them. Never having had them as a puppy, she didn’t know what to do with them. I knew she finally accepted she was in a safe place when I looked over at her in her bed one morning and saw her sleeping on her back. She didn’t like men because they had threatened to kill her with shovels for raiding their garbage. But when Harley began visiting me she bonded with him immediately – she must have known that this guy who had never had a dog for his first 50 years was a good guy. When we traveled to New Mexico she rode the entire way with her head under his arm as he drove. Btw, I named her Hope – she had none when I met her but endless amounts after I was able to rescue her. Sorry this is long, but so many aspects of your journey with Grace mirrors mine with Hope. Dogs who have suffered so much still have the most amazing ability to trust in human kindness when they finally find it. God bless you, Ken, and Grace!
What a beautiful story full of hope of so many kinds. When people tell me they hate people, I keep saying, but there are wonderful people out there who do extraordinary things. You are one of them Mary, thank you so much for sharing your inspiring story.
Great story my dear friend!! Grace is so blessed to have hit the jackpot with you and Ken. My heart is so happy for her as well as you two. Glad to hear she is doing better and better each day and glad especially warming up to Ken. How can she not….he’s a wonderful human being and a kind soul! Take care and here’s hoping one of these days I can meet this sweet girl!
Aw! I know Grace would love you. She is truly a sweet-heart. Not a mean bone in that girls body. Today, she jumped on the bed w/Ken still in it and licked his face. I could tell how much he loved it:) Still he let her because he wants her to trust him. It was fun to watch:)
I love hearing how quickly Grace has healed and found her inner dog. I can’t wait to meet her and hopefully become a part of her new family of loving humans!
I suspect that you and Grace are going to hit it off. I look forward to our connection. I already feel like you are one of us:)
My soulmate, my only love, who left a Grand Canyon sized hole in my heart and soul when I had to let her go, my cat Sweet Pea. It was 12 years ago, I was feeding stray cats in my apartment parking lot. I saw her standing there, very confident she was, I sat down and called to her, held out my hand and she climbed into my lap. For the next several months, I would sit in a chair on my shared balcony and she would climb up onto my lap and snuggle up under a blankie. My balcony shared 4 apt doors total, no distinguishing marks except the apt numbers on the doors. One day I came home and found on MY doormat, in front of MY door, what I like to think is a thank you for your compassion gift, a dead mole. This went on for weeks and everyday. It didnt dawn on me that she was leaving ME gifts, because how did she know which door was mine? I mean really, could she count the doors? Was she watching me come out of MY door? I didnt sit in front of my door when she was cuddling on my lap. After a while I really started thinking about why she was doing this and it touched me deeply. I asked her to stop and she did! One day, I invited her in, she stepped halfway in the apt, looked at me, came inside and never looked back. Words can’t describe this wonderful feline. I have never met a cat like her before. She was totally devoted to me in every way and I to her. She was more like a dog, she loved belly rubs and she loved to spoon with me under the blankets, every night. She was the little spoon. She is a gorgeous girl, and all she ever wanted was to be next to me. She would sit in front of me, waiting for me to say “ok.” She would sit quietly for hours, waiting, I tested her once. Such reserve, such love, what a kind soul. I’m not one for signs so to speak, but when she was sick, I was crying out for someone to tell me if I was making her suffer, to help me make a decision I could not make. I did everything and gave everything I had to save her and I couldn’t. The day before she passed, a beautiful butterfly kept flying around me, landed on my hand and I nudged it away but it kept coming back. It landed on my foot where it stayed for almost 30 mins. It slowed its wings fluttering so gradually it was almost trance inducing, warmed my heart and calmed me a bit. Then it hit me, she was going to be ok, let her go. I did. After I walked out of the vets office, what did I see but a butterfly flying through the parking lot. At work the next day, I saw another as I looked up to the trees asking if Sweet Pea was ok and that i missed her deeply. The trees gently swayed with a warm breeze and I felt, at ease. I truly think it was her, or something telling me she was ok. I did not see any more butterflies after that. I want to believe it was her, it was just so out of the norm, it had to be something special. As remarkable as a friend she was, it wouldnt surprise me if she commanded the butterflies, even for a few days. With all my love Sweet Pea. I miss you so.
Amazing story of connection and friendship. I can really feel the bond you had with your Sweet Pea. I love the way the butterfly came to you after she passed. It was a sign. I look forward to the day when I meet my animal friends again, across the rainbow bridge, when we all the signs they were trying to give us in this life will become clear. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story, Melody.
Carlyn & Ken, as always you are a beacon of light for us all❣️ Grace, like all who have had the joy of love of life are blessed. Thank you for the gifts you share with us all❣️
Grace, like all of us who have had the joy of you in our lives are blessed❣️ ( what I thought I had typed)
Aw! How sweet are you. Love is the answer, isn’t it? Thanks for being you and for being part of our pack:) Kisses to Cali.