Today is my four-year adopt-a-versary…
On a snow-filled Santa Fe morning, four words, Carlyn, you were adopted, shook me to my core. My sister’s confession might not have been so traumatic except I was 57-years-old, and had spent a lifetime believing a different ancestry story; one involving the belief that the parents and siblings I grew up with were my blood. When, after taking a DNA test I learned this was a fabrication, I embarked on an unimaginable adventure. Like Frodo, Luke and Neo, I was thrust out of my ordinary life and into the hero’s journey.
The Hero/Heroine’s Journey
As a writer, my favorite story structure is known as The Hero’s Journey. This template involves a hero or heroine who goes on an adventure, learns powerful lessons, and returns home transformed.
Scholar Joseph Campbell writes that every hero must pass through several stages of hardship, strife, and danger. They come face to face with their darkest shadows, sometimes in the form of dragons, demons, and villains. Sometimes these forces prove challenging to recognize, like a shape-shifter, an old friend, or even the hero themselves. The journey can become so challenging that the Hero can reach a point of desperation and lose sight of hope. But the Hero is not alone. Friends, wise teachers, and sometimes even the gods themselves provide him with assistance along the way. And once the Hero has successfully passed through each stage of their journey, the way he views the world changes forever.
–From the book, Dog as My Doctor, Cat as My Nurse by Carlyn Montes De Oca
If you’ve read my newest book, the memoir, Junkyard Girl, you know the first few months after my adoption revelation were equivalent to a bursting dam that destabilized my identity. Meeting a new sister, discovering my birth mother was still alive, and learning my adoptive mother’s reasons for keeping my adoption a secret were shocking moments that arrived fast and furiously. But trials and ordeals are a necessary part of the hero’s journey. Whether it’s the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, a divorce, or countless other curve balls life throws at us as the price for being alive, we are all the heroes in our own journey. Battling these dragons is the way we discover the hero inside of us. And, if you’re an animal lover, you are not alone on this journey.
Dog as My Hero
Ten months after learning that I was adopted, I adopted Grace. Because she was neglected and taken from a bad hoarding situation, I thought I’d be rescuing her. Now I realize what an important role Grace played in my transformation. Not only did she become my ally, but as she healed from her trauma, she modeled powerful qualities that guided my recovery. Dogs mostly live in the present moment. They have an uncanny ability to let go of the past, and given a safe and loving home, they can springboard into the future. Forgive the past, live in the present, relish the future – these are some of the life-enhancing lessons Grace has taught me.
One of my favorite Chinese proverbs says, A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. If life is coming at you from all sides, and you need a powerful ally to support you through the rough stuff, you may find your ideal mentor already walking beside you. The journey may feel as long as a thousand miles, but when you have a dog by your side, you are not walking alone, you are walking with grace.
Stay healthy and stay pawsitive,
Carlyn MDO 💜
PS: What one way has your dog or cat helped you on your hero/heroine’s journey?
Thanks for a beautiful post, Carlyn, and happy adopt-a-versary. I too have been fortunate for the love and support of wonderful animal companions throughout my life. But an afternoon with two shelties back in 1999 particularly stands out for me. I had just learned that I needed an urgent medical procedure, and had to wait several hours at home before going to the hospital. It was an unusually warm early spring day and I sat on the lawn with my two dogs and cried. These normally energetic and rambunctious dogs sat by my side quietly, and when I stopped crying they licked my face. They stayed glued to my side until it was time for me to leave. They seem to have thought I could do it, and I did! ❤️
This story really moved me Stefanie. You describe it so well that I felt I was with you when that was happening. I’m so glad your animal friends gave you a good dose of empathy, support and that very special antidote for a bruised heart – unconditional love. They knew you could do it and you did!