– Clarissa Pinkola Estés
When you’re young and full of beans, and surrounded by others who are also brimming with life, you feel invincible. You don’t stop to think that one day, sooner than you’d expect, you’ll be attending more funerals than weddings. With so many of our friends falling ill and passing away over the last two years, Ken often reminds me that life is vapor.
I was pondering this thought and feeling a heaviness around recent events when a friend of ours, who was going through his own life challenge after losing his home, said to me. “Well, if someone had told me that I’d have six years to live in this amazing house and then after that it would be gone, would I still have chosen to live here? Hell yeah, I would!”
That’s When it All Changed
His words ignited a profound aha moment inside me. Like a fast-acting algorithm, I suddenly realized that I could apply his logic to almost any life challenge I wrestled with.
If someone had told me that I would have a great friendship for only five years and then that friend would move far away, would I still nurture that relationship. Hell yeah!
If I knew a loved one’s life would be cut short, would I invest my love and time if I had to do it over again? You’d better believe it!
If I learned that I’d only have a few years to experience the love a beloved dog or cat, would I adopt one and bring them into my home knowing that when they were gone, a big hole would be left in my heart? No doubt I would.
In life, loss is the price we pay for great love.
The Icing on The Cake
My friend’s logic has helped me reframe my grief. Instead of focusing on endings, grasping at how things will change, or cringing at the unknown, I’m focusing more on gratitude for my relationships and all they’ve added to my life. From this space I’m able to offer others greater support, an empathetic ear, and more love than my fear of loss has allowed. Life transforms when you don’t hold onto it so tightly.
Sadness, longing, and wishing things were different are emotions that still knock at my heart’s door but I try not to entertain them for too long. Grace, my ever-vigilant and inspiring emotional watchdog, senses my shifts of mood and promptly makes her way alongside me, before placing her chin on my lap as if to remind me that it’s time to Paws for the Good Stuff. So, I close my eyes, focus on gratitude and healing, and send it across the cosmos to a friend or a loved one who’s most in need of it.
Life is vapor. Yes, it is. But ever so worth living to its fullest and loving until our last breath.
Stay healthy and stay pawsitive,
Carlyn MDO 💜
PS: In what way does your dog or cat contribute to making your life better? Please share your life hack in the comment box below.
Because both my husband & I love our dog, Nina, she is a constant reminder of doing things together (as a family). We check in with each other regularly concerning her well-being; need for exercise & recreation, and we know she desires to be with us both equally. She reminds us of that constantly. 😊🥰🐾
I’ve found that to be true as well. Grace makes us laugh a lot, Ken and I are focused on her wellbeing, and because she is between us, she is often the glue that binds us closer together. Thanks for sharing about Nina. Maybe one day, she and Grace will meet.
Carlyn I love reading your writings. I can relate to this particular sentiment. How sad that we are seeing friends pass suddenly. This brings friends together that we haven’t seen in years. It brings to reality that life is certainly a vapor. Reality at its worst or best depends on how one views it. As far as our pet dog, I love and need my doggie, Mija, so much. My husband loves her as much and we thank God for bringing her into our lives. She is more like a child with her antics and begging big eyes! Life is a challenge but life is a gift!
Mija….that is a word I’m familiar with. My parents called me that all of the time. One of the most powerful lessons for me has been that life is not black and white but gray. Life can be a challenge and a gift, we can feel its magnificence along with sadness. Our animal friends have a way of breaking our hearts when they leave and breaking our hearts wide open in the process. Life is a mystery and I’m glad to be here:)
Thank you Carlyn, for this beautifully written reminder of how life can be when the focus is on gratitude for what we have for the time we have it in this ever-changing thing called “life”.
Thank you for this sweet note, Edith. The longer I’m here, the more and more I believe in the power of gratitude to transform our lives. And who better to teach us this than our amazing and loving animal friends!